Faltering

• March 16, 2016 • Comments (1)

Faltering

By Renee Bodkin

I am having difficulty here.  

One of my longest friends is dying of cancer.  She is one of the most kind, thoughtful people I know.  She is too young to die.  I am angry.  I am shaken.  I am heartbroken.  

 

My faith and hope are faltering.   

 

One of my Scouting, Wood Badge friends is missing.  He is creative and thoughtful and fun. He has the spirit and energy of a youth.  I am worried.  I am skeptical.  

 

My faith and hope are faltering.

 

I have other worries that are burdening me.  I am trying to keep it all together.  Philip’s health issues are a challenge.  Raising three boys well and guiding them is a challenge.  In the midst of everything — taking care of me is a challenge.  

 

My faith and hope are faltering.

 

 

So as I falter —  these things go through my head: the Prayer of St Francis, The Serenity Prayer, and doubt and anger pull at my heart.   I cried all last night.  Tears streaming down my face.  I cried myself to sleep.  I awoke tired and cranky.  I am not patient.  I have been close to tears all day.  I don’t have energy to try to make sense of any of this — and in the midst of it — I feel I am selfish because I think “Can’t something go right for me?” “Why can’t we go on a spring break vacation?”  “Can I get any good news?”  The more I think about it all, the more I get frustrated and emotional.   So… I pray.  And hope.  This verse strikes me — it’s like Christ is speaking to those who have such a heavy burden that we must go to Him to trust him to carry our burden.  Hand it over to Him.  

“Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me… for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11: 28-30)

Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is error, truth;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.

 

serenity

Until tomorrow…

Renée Bodkin

Renée Bodkin

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  1. Stephen says:

    Prayers always! And let me know if you need anything!

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