Stream of Consciousness
By Renee Bodkin
Sebastian has this assignment that he does from time to time and it’s called a “stream of consciousness”. He just writes everything that he hears when he’s listening to a video. And look at that — it’s a literary term — it is a method of narration that describes in words the flow of thoughts in the minds of the characters.
Upon thinking about it… that is how I imagine most of our brains work —- at least mine does — it goes from one thing to another to another in a matter of seconds.
3:35- Costumes — Philip’s not feeling well — students are difficult — make deposit at bank — leaves — dinner tonight— meeting tonight– uniform or not — proud of Seb — wish mornings were better for boys — thirsty— need Halloween candy— need costume for Ben — Bounder needs winterizing — 3:36 — 365 blog — gym — workout — stress — CSE meetings — IEPs need done — book reports for boys — Canisius — pancake breakfast — sigh — my wardrobe — 3:37 — girls’ night with sisters — miss my mom — Christmas is coming — need to workout — organizing house — boys’ room a mess — leaves — snow blower needs assembling — 3:38 — Philip — MS — cancer — diabetes — out of control— what to do — papers need grading — no dinner planned for tonight— money. 3:39 — overwhelmed — Blessed — focused — how can one be so many things at one time — camporee planning — ideas — Eagle — pride — love — focus.
And there is my stream of consciousness for 5 minutes. Wonder why I am the way I am?!
I am seriously overwhelmed. I want to write but my brain can’t focus on one thing to write about. I glance out the window and long to take a walk with the crisp fall air blowing in my face. Though I know that if I did that, I would be thinking about all the things yet that need to get done. Hello… I have errands to run right now! I need to get *something* for dinner. How does one shut off their stream of consciousness for even just a short period of time?
My students are difficult. They don’t want to learn so it’s a challenge to “want to” teach. I spent the day at home on Monday (wasn’t feeling great) and ended up working closely with my 3 boys for the day. They WANT to learn (for the most part). Teaching them is motivating and invigorating. I wish I could teach my students to embrace knowledge. As difficult as the Bodkin Boys are — gosh they can be stressful — they understand that knowledge is so important in life. Now if only they’d embrace calmness. See… the stream of consciousness did it again flip flopped me from school to my boys.
I want to do my nails. I have all of these gorgeous nail polishes I need to take a teeny bit of time to paint my nails. And the clutter in this house needs to be dealt with. And the laundry — boys need sheets on their beds. Why can’t they do them themselves anyways? And then as my mind ventures up to their bedroom I pause at the thought of their bathroom and seriously pause — I need a cleaning lady to deep clean their bathroom. And then… the phone rings and I get brought back to reality I need to get moving because life is happening and if we don’t just keep living it… it will speed right on by!